well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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