Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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