I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
