I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize