Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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