I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she told me i tasted like america
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
