so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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