Apparently you make a good broom.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
