either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
