How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
