i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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