You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
