I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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