I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
