How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
