I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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