I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
