I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
