do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
