That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
