gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
