Where is the hickey?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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