It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
