He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
