Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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