just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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