but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
