Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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