i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
