They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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