Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
