Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
