Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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