Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
