My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just want to make out with him forever
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
