hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
