I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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