my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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