It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
