On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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