if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
