Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
