I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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