I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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