A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
