If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
