I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
