I cannot find my penis.
...so i touched it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
