FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize