And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
