the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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