What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
