What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
