If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
