No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize