Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
