So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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