What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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