When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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