I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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