dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
