I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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