but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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