So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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