it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
