i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize
