I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
