I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
