I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
