Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
