So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
