soooo we both peed the bed last night...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize