I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
