He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We are all done wearing pants today
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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