Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Text me some of your sweat
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
