How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
