She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
