I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
