Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
