If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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