You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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