when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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