There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
