I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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