i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
