He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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