Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
