R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
