the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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