I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
